Sadness...

"One day," you said to me, "I saw the sunset forty-four times!"
And a little later you added:
"You know--one loves the sunset, when one is so sad . . ."
"Were you so sad, then?" I asked, "on the day of the forty-four sunsets?"
But the little prince made no reply.

MIEL - My Precious

'This is My Precious. The reason why I'm still hanging around.

For this little guy I've given up fashion and all things material, sworn-off men, and stilled my itchy feet.

If we are where we are, if I've been able to get through all the baby hardships like round-the-clock baby wailing and won't-eat-nothing-darnit, it's because of this little picture I had in my head. The two of us walking happily down a little dirt path.

At four years old, the little guy was already a good companion (and I'm very particular). Carried with me, we used to go around the malls on our errands while we chattered to each other. Sometimes, he would run about the stalls and be a typical hyperactive kid. Somehow, all the sales persons remembered us and would greet us pleasantly though we hardly bought anything. Maybe, they thought whenever we were sighted, there's that funny pair again. Even the taxi drivers would smile at us from the mirrors. There was surely something striking about the two of us to elicit such a response. Perhaps the happy companionship we shared in contrast to a common mall occurence - shrieking kids on the floor and irate moms.

Which reminds me. I got pissed yesterday and actually swore. Pinagalitan ako with, "Mama, bad word yan." Uhm, yeah, twas the can of Del Monte pineapple juice falling on my sandalled foot that did it. Ouch!

Some memories of Miel.

Reading, polygons, and basic science before schooling. I tried that thing Atticus did to Scout in To Kill a Mockingbird (magnificent book). With admirable results. Or maybe Miel is just really, well, smart.

Getting asked how many molecules there are in one glass of air. Darnit.

Firm refusals when I would offer to buy him something, anything.

And if on the rare time he actually wants me to buy something for him, he checks with me first with, "Mama, may money ka ba?"

A little, little hand patting me on the chest one time I couldn't keep from crying.

And in this picture, he is all grown up. (So sad, they grow up SO fast. Which is why I can't up and leave and miss you growing up, little one.) He says the Pig and the Dog are married.

Times things get bad, I just stare hard at Miel and it's okay.

POP FIESTA - UP Fair 2006

Welcome to UP Fair, 2006. And rather than ramble on with words as I usually do. Let me just show you how it was.

This is our booth. The very reason why we were at the Fair in the first place.

Not much of a booth but the best the GM's can do. Salamat sa Tomokai at pinaskwat nyo kami!

We were starving! First order of the day, EAT! Had a supper of "binalot" - grilled liempo, salted egg, tomatoes, and rice. You can't see it here but we stuffed ourselves at the UP Fair with nachos, isaw, barbecue, corn, and shawarma.

After "Chesca" and Aileen got their tattooes, all of us trooped to the henna tattoo booth one by one. Gunbound fans these tattoo artists hence my P50 tattoo.

My sparkle-tattoed hand and Van's henna-tattoed one. I love this girl. If she were a guy, I'd go for her.

A photo with GB players! And our tattoo artists. ^^

Tuts... his fans were waylaying him for autographs. They were wearing his shirts. A mind-blowing number of em Orcs and UP folks crowded around the stage for their performance. They brought out the police and the Mayor. But he was still humble enough to visit our booth regularly.

Eek! I love Kamikaze. If only for the vocalist.

He climbs walls, gyrates, does backflips, swims on the floor, goes down on the bouncer (much to the latter's discomfiture), takes off his clothes, and sings his heart out.

Valentine's Day, 2006

My Valentine's day dawned as I expected it. Overcast and moody. Or was it just me? This is THE day I hate working for a corporation. Valentine's Day in a school setting always finds me with bouquets of flowers from my very thoughtful students. Never mind if I've got no guy to give me flowers (would you rather have flowers AND a big headache?).

But like I said, a corporation is different. And even if my dear guy officemates wanted to give us flowers, it was virtually impossible. Everyone was broke. Even the bosses. The Boss could hardly scrape enough for flowers for the wifey.

So there it was, just getting the day over. We go home. The gang and I had planned to celebrate by eating out. Anything as long as we could hang around for a couple of hours but due to, uhm, some difficulties, we decided to go home. Until we saw the MRT crowd that is. Twas that huge, sweaty crowd that discourages you from going home. It forced us to wait it out. There we were walking Glorietta aimlessly. Finally, we pull into Jollibee, somewhere we could afford that WASN'T McDonald's.

And that's when the two amazing things that make my Valentine's happen.

While the gang was walking, James and I were having a battle of wills. He wanted me to borrow from him. I said I wanted him to treat me. Impossible he informed me. He didn't even treat his ex-girlfriends so there was no way that was happening. He jokingly shares how his ex paid for him on their first date because he had P40 in his pocket. I know for a fact that he is a cheapskate. I mean, I can't even get him to pay P10 for me on the bus. (Okay, sometimes, very rarely.)

I say, fine, sasamahan ko na lang kayo. I don't tell him I'm actually full. Edge had scammed for me a slice of chocolate cheesecake plus the Vitro boys gave me a big chocolate frosted donut from Gonuts Donuts. The Biik is broke and I (not exactly broke but commiserating) sit it out with her while the boys order their food. With us were the quiet Fer, the manyak Eric, kikay Jayvee, and of course James. They come back with trays of food.

OHMIGOD. The impossible had happened. Naglibre ang kuripot. It really floors me while at the same time, I feel unaccountably happy. We share the food and we are all laughing, eating, joking, and pretty much having one of the best times in the world. Just in Jollibee with fried lumpia, fries, and drinks.

(insert picture)

And the second miracle? Well, you have to understand Ta3's eating habits. He will never allow anybody touch his food, his eating utensils, and his glass. That day he let me share his palabok (I had a craving). So surprised. I am still reeling from the shock. Hahahaha!!!!! Quite the different guy who evidenced disqust when I was eating, hey, palabok too! and Tuts comes, picks up my fork with a half-eaten bite, and just eats from there. Alang kiyeme.

(insert picture)

I forgot the meaning of Valentine's day. It's not just for lovers. It's a day celebrating the ones we love. And I was in good company.

My Inkblot Test Results

Moth, your subconscious mind is driven most by Kindness

This means you have a deep desire to be kind and fair to others. You may even be preoccupied with finding kindness in the world around you, far more than you realize on a conscious level.

It is possible that the underlying reason you seek kindness in the world around you, is that you fear cruelty, the opposite of kindness. That could drive you to unconsciously project kindness wherever possible into your world. Regardless of its origin, your steadfast adherence to being kind to others is felt by people you are close to.

You are probably more susceptible than others to being overwhelmed by emotions — both yours and others'. It is possible that your unusually empathic nature is a result of your natural sensitivity to others' pain, and your desire to help them avoid it. For this reason, things might affect you more than they affect your friends and family. To protect yourself from too much emotional intensity, you might want to keep an eye out so you can recognize it when it starts. That will allow you to slow things down until you feel grounded again.

Overall, your strong orientation towards kindness gives you an optimistic nature, which translates into you seeing the best in the people around you. Because you're not one to be overly judgmental, others may seek out your company when they need a friend to talk to. People close to you likely know that you care deeply about the inner lives of others and can listen to what they have to say without imposing your views on them.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Kindness, there is much more to who you are at your core.

Take the Tickle Inkblot Personality Test.

War Games and Nail Polish

I usually have something to say when I blog. Well, this time, I won't even try. I am struck by an impulse to just write write write. (oh no... sounds like Kalihim lihim lihim... arrggg.. hand me the holy water and crucifix!).

Okay. I woke up late today. What a luxury! They say you know you're old when your idea of relaxing is sleeping. I slept late and luxuriated in my pillows and blankets till Miel's activity finally seeped into my brain. I do my toilet and run off to Smart to pay my phone bill. Those unforgiving bastards. hehe.... How DOES my phone bill get that much? Will definitely have to get the company pay for it. After 20 years in Watson's to get Miel's vitamins (darn I really hate waiting)I run outside for transport home. The sun is beating on my head and I'm looking at my watch. I hesitate between the jeepney (7.00) and the taxi (roughly around P60 if the taxi driver is a scammer). I think of all the poor and hungry in the world and climb into the jeepney. But after an eternity... okay... it was 60 seconds... I squash my conscience and get into the taxi. The taxi drivers all heave sighs of relief. They scramble to go one cab up the line. Getting home, our room is occupied by ps2 challengers. Lunch comes around. Hmmmm... what was lunch? I forget. Ahhh... some meat in red sauce and bagoong. I had to ask our cook about it. It looked (and probably sounds) unpalatable. It wasn't half-bad.

Over text, James tells me about his War Games activity. He has told me earlier when we were having our obligatory McDo lunches that I would like his War Game pals. Cool hair and tattooes. Because I display interest (well... doesn't shooting guys sound like fun?!) he tells me to buy my own gun. Hmmmmm... 15k? Maybe... maybe not...

Miel and I play with his Battle B-daman's. He tears em apart and he laughs at me while I try clumsily to put them together. To his credit, though, he sure knows how to give clues and hints how the parts come together without just telling me how to do it. Hmmm... sign of intelligence... = )

Afternoon... we pop a bag of butter popcorn and watch Initial D on the dvd player. Man, racers are so cool. Specially the slalom racers (The little prince had to teach me that).

I KNOW. I WON'T BE CARSICK. I WANT TO DRIVE LIKE THAT. Brave words from somebody who's afraid to learn how to drive. Well, no, give me my own car and I'll learn.

So, robots, War Games, and car racing. Gads, why can't I think of make-up and nail polish or hair rebond?

I almost forget. Distracted the whole day. Half my mind on everything. What happened to the Little Prince? Darn, it's so abnormal to worry SO MUCH about somebody I haven't even met. I mean, I REALLY WORRIED. Okay, enough of the caps lock. Fortunately, he texts that he is all better (well not entirely) but I get to meet his friend FDL. F was relatively quiet. He must have been very busy in his cafe. He seemed nice, though.

And here I am blogging. I may yet to fight my way to the Bodhi tree, or visit a Japanese temple or shrine. Jerry Yan may yet have to lay his eyes on me and become instantly my slave. But for the meantime, I am happy. (Even if I had to walk several blocks and hide out in the bushes to smoke half a cigarette) But cuddling Miel, watching anime and reading my books, and talking to my friends and the Little Prince... well, I'm happy.... just how many people can say that without lying through their teeth?

Canon in D - Killer Guitar Version

Jealousy is so UNCOOL

Alam mo ung paggising mo, ala kang alam na magiging napakasama ng araw mo? Pakshet di ko makita ung pantalon ko. Pakshet di ako makasakay ng maayos. Pak u sa mga taong dudurugin ka sa MRT. May gusto sana akong itulak (umapak ka ba naman sa dilaw) pero naisip ko pag normal nako baka maawa ako pag nagkalasug lasug siya sa tren. Pak u haker mamatay ka na sana. Pak u sa magte txt na darating na si Louise. Teka, di ko naman kilala un. Saka ilala ko ba ka txt ko? Tama ba namang mainis sa di ko kilala, di ko pa nakikita, at di ko alam. Pakshet day. Bukas sana normal na ulet ako.

Tangna mo Tuts

goo
Tangna mo Tuts! Miss na kita. Puro normal dito sa opis. Sino pa ba kasama kong magyo-yosi na kakaiba ang trip? Ngapala, heto ung sinulat mo tungkol dun sa araw na sabaw na yung mga kasama mong chikas at muntik na kayong mahuli ng pulis habang nagda drive kayo papuntang gig ba yun? Heto ninakaw ko galing sa myspace mo...

Pshychedelic unJoyRoyde.

late na din akong nagising at ng may biglang tumawag sa landline namin pagsagot ko susunduin na daw ako't didirecho na kem sa lakad namin .ang publema e mukang ang lalakas na nng tama netong mga kaasma ko.edi pasakay palang ako ng kotse e mejo kabado nako.dahil ayokong mecheck point na naman at makalaboso na naman at mapagmumura ng mga pulis ng libre ng hindi naman ako pumapalag o kung ano man.tamang maharass ng pulis.hasel at sawa nako sa pakiramdam na yun at sa totoo lang ayoko na ulit maranasanang hasel sa buhay ko kahit kelan ,sana!pero d mo rin masasabi ikaw nga nila "wrong time,wrong place'---e nangyayari talaga tong shet nato!hirap naman wag na samahan ang mga high risk na tropa.kasi aminin ko,may thirll din e.pero sick na para sakin e.mejo "kabobohan" na.
naligo ako at satong pagkatapos e nanjan na ang sundo ko,at tulad nga ng inaasahan ko todo sabaw na tong driver namin sa lakas ng tama.
kinailangan namin mag U turn,pero nung nagu turn kme meron kaming muntik mahagip na motorsiklong may dalawang mamang sakay.muntik na talaga sila!e ambobo nila kasi wala silang helmet tas todo hataw pa sila.napikon ang mama,hinabol kme at sinisipa ang sasakyan namin at nagsisigaw ng "papatayin kme neto ah"...."putang ina....magiingat ka ah"..."makapatay ka niyan e"...ang sarap na lang talaga sumigaw ng "hoy king ina ka maghelmet ka kaya!!"...na kesho kukunin daw niya plaka namin at irereport daw niya kme o kung ano man,e gago pala shae.pagdating ng pulis kung sakali sila pa sisistahin dahil wla silang helmet o kahit ano man lang protection sa ulo nila.e sa pagkaalam ko todo batas ngayon yun e.mahigpit bang batas.habang nagsisisgaw sha at patuloy pa rin kme sa andar namin at silan dalawang mama,sumasabay samin,mura ng mura.kme naman e sorry ng sorry at hingi ng hingi ng despensa.todo goodvibes e.panira ng trip pag biglang may nagawawal;a sa tabi niyo e,diba?edi yun.natapos din sha o naubusan ng gas at nawala na langs ha bigla sa likod namin.pinagtawanan namin shadahil galit na galit shae.humingi ako ng pampakalma sa katabi ko at umistedi na habang kinakapa namin ang direction kung san kme papunta dahil ni isa sa amin e walang cgurado kung paano nga ba pupunta sa dapat naming pupuntahan.Tanga kapa kme sa pupuntahan namin at ilang beses din kme muntik mabangga at ilang beses din kme nag u turn(eto marka ng henerashon natin e "U TURN SLOTS")nag beating the red light dahil sabaw na ang driver namin,nag left turn sa mga bawal,at nagright naman sa mga bawal din at napapa "hihihihi" lang talaga sila sa lakas ng matas nila.hanggang sa nakaabot kme sa pupuntahan naming street.pagsdating namin duns a street na yun e mali pa pala dahil tawiran pala yun street na yun at napunta kme sa maling parte ng kalyeng hinahanap namin,edi ikot na naman kme dahil kahit san ka sumingit singit e one way kaya ikot ka ng ikto mula, sa hili naming pinang galingan.hanggang sa naabot na namin ang pupuntahan namin at ng nakapagpark na kme .e hindi pala pwede magpark sa pinagparkan namin at nilabas na naman ang sasakyan at kinailangan ilipat.dko na nakayanan at bumaba nako ng sasakyan para makapgunat unta dahil mejo 2 oras din kme nasa sasakyan nangngapa ng kalsada.nung nakapagpark na sila e swerte nga naman at sa harap pa mismo ang lugar na pupuntahan namin ang nagiisang bakanteng espasyo.ayus talaga!pagtingen ko sa poster ng ganpang dinalaw namin e titolo pala nito ay friday the 13th!napahampas talaga ako ng malakas sa kasama kong katabi kolng at napaturo sa poster.napakapit sha sa ulo niya at napahirit ng "Pota!kaya pala e"....may nakarinig ata sa usapan namin at humirit ng "Gaahg!18 ngayon,bday ng ermats ko ngayon e".
napa... "ahh ganun ba?" nalang kme.hagihik,then gracefull escape.
tara inom na tyo!
d nako sumabay sakanila pauwi.ok na yung minsan lang wild ride.
d2 nako sa bahay.umiinom ng mine shine.

Which Endless are you?

I wanted to be Death. Who doesn't? She's beautiful and cheerful. But I guess I made a narrow escape being named Despair or Delirium. Yeah, I can settle for him... Funny thing I heard about Dream though. He's the ultimate Emo boy, just with a lot less whining and a real job. Dream is always either out for revenge or recovering from his latest failed romance. Extreme.


Which Member of the Endless Are You?

Canon in D

The first few notes and strains drift into the air
Like rose petals from an errant breeze
Vomit-green walls dissolve
And I can see far far into the horizon
The world spins around me
Dizzyingly
Haphazardly
Never ending motion
There is so much light it must be a dream…

Three-Legged Stools

This year finds me in relative happiness.

Gasp.

The shock.

Are we not, SELF, a citizen of perpetual sadness?

My waking consciousness is wreathed in temporal joy. I love Miel, my job, my boss, and two guests in the drama that I call my life - Tae and Biik.

It's a million happy MRT rides taking effect.

James, you never would let me alone with my sadness would you? I step into the train, poised to enter my own private hell but you pull me back with a violent jerk everytime. The bitter taste of yellow sand, undulating dunes, and isolation recedes. If I cry now in the train, it is only because of laughter.

And Angelgirl. You never knew when to quit. Endless texts of love and friendship. A hundred random acts of kindness. A secret bond between kin.

My walls break with a resounding crash that deafens for days. And when the confusion subsides, I discover Constancy and Friendship holding me up by both hands.

They are there when I am happiest.

They are there when I am saddest.

You are right, cuzin. This year might very well be a lesson in Unlearning.