My First Failed Exam

Today, February 5, 2007, will be etched in stone. It is my first ever failed exam. I have never once failed a test. Well, perhaps a few in high school Chemistry. But even my Achilles' heel which is Math, I never failed.

My NCEE was 99+. I got into UP which is the only school my Mom would let me apply to. (The alternative was to plant kamote according to my Mom) I got into all the fields I applied to from NGO to Channel 2 to a University professorship to Game Mastering for an online gaming company. I passed my Licensure exam even if I had only studied the night before and my colleagues had a year's review ahead of me. Etcetera... etcetera... You get the picture. But tonight. I failed my Body Balance audition.

I have to pause and think about this. It is very easy to give in to whining and miss the whole point of failure. I could say I didn't give it my 100%. Or that I don't really have time to teach so I wasn't serious about it. Or that I tried my hand at something that was my weakness in the first place. Or that the feng shui was bad. Or that aliens came and took over my body. haha.

But what is the ESSENCE of my failure? I think... I think it is to overcome that which has failed me. To win with my wits, or my eloquence... these are simple victories because they come easy. But to do something which even the doctor said I wouldn't be able to do... THAT would be a genuine victory.

It's so easy to let go. Just sign up for WOW and forget about the real world. On embark on that novel I had been promising myself to write. Or do something practical and learn Japanese and a coding language. But then that would be giving up, wouldn't it?

So I will have another go at it. And this time, my measure will not be acceptance to the program. Instead, my measure will be understanding and living yoga. Someday being able to raise my leg high up against my forehead. Or curving my spine back against my legs. I start tomorrow...

But for tonight, I had my cigarette already. And maybe just cry a little cry tonight before I go to sleep.

Curly Me

I never thought I would end up being curly-haired. But here I am. I chopped off my horse's tail when it wasn't coming out like a geisha's tresses and instead went crazy with this new "do". Very few people telling me I look great in it, which is the usual yada yada when you get a new haircut. It's a measure of my self-esteem that I am not bothered by the lack of raves. I like the change so who cares about what other people think. haha.

Nothing much to blog about. Except for that pseudo promotion. Until I see it in my payslip, I ain't believing it. My title is so much nicer now though. Onwards to World Domination! But in retrospect, my social life and everything else life is practically nil. Which is probably why M thought of hooking me up with his other clients. It was the topic in his head for one particular session. Wonder what he ate that day? If he had a cute Jap guy maybe I would've taken the bait. Or some Mensa psycho. Not band roaches though. I'm off those.

How to tell him though that I don't need the matchmaking? Someday I will tell him the tale of Neph, my alterego. As a GM, you get hordes of guys wanting to get to know you. But then, of course, nobody is so stupid enough to think that they like the real you. More likely, they'll be asking for items or the inside scoop even before you've made yourself comfortable in a resto. So I stay away from them like the plague. But okay, to be fair, I've met some nice ones who seem to like ME. But still, I can't go out with them. Enuf said.

Leseee... what have I been doing of late? Went to a Powerbooks warehouse sale. Got all Yoga and Body Sculpting stuff. Ugh, I chose functional. And then I had to go and buy Gaiman's Anansi Boys in National Book Store where there was NO sale. Go figure.

Miel and I laughed ourselves crazy with Ben Stiller's Night at the Museum. It just got funnier and funnier. It was a blast when they showed a shot of the museum from the outside and it was rockin with house music. As a testament to my strangeness, I cried major leagues at that part when Dad watched New Dad jump over puddles with his son. Miel's never having that. I feel unaccountably guilty.

I am going to the Body Balance audition tomorrow. Just to scope things out. M thinks I am not half-ready and I think he's right. A lot of things to work on me still like em darn hamstrings.

Mwah. I am going to sleep now. Just finished my potboilers. Yay! Now I can REALLY start writing in my blog about stuff that's not about me.