My First Failed Exam
Today, February 5, 2007, will be etched in stone. It is my first ever failed exam. I have never once failed a test. Well, perhaps a few in high school Chemistry. But even my Achilles' heel which is Math, I never failed.
My NCEE was 99+. I got into UP which is the only school my Mom would let me apply to. (The alternative was to plant kamote according to my Mom) I got into all the fields I applied to from NGO to Channel 2 to a University professorship to Game Mastering for an online gaming company. I passed my Licensure exam even if I had only studied the night before and my colleagues had a year's review ahead of me. Etcetera... etcetera... You get the picture. But tonight. I failed my Body Balance audition.
I have to pause and think about this. It is very easy to give in to whining and miss the whole point of failure. I could say I didn't give it my 100%. Or that I don't really have time to teach so I wasn't serious about it. Or that I tried my hand at something that was my weakness in the first place. Or that the feng shui was bad. Or that aliens came and took over my body. haha.
But what is the ESSENCE of my failure? I think... I think it is to overcome that which has failed me. To win with my wits, or my eloquence... these are simple victories because they come easy. But to do something which even the doctor said I wouldn't be able to do... THAT would be a genuine victory.
It's so easy to let go. Just sign up for WOW and forget about the real world. On embark on that novel I had been promising myself to write. Or do something practical and learn Japanese and a coding language. But then that would be giving up, wouldn't it?
So I will have another go at it. And this time, my measure will not be acceptance to the program. Instead, my measure will be understanding and living yoga. Someday being able to raise my leg high up against my forehead. Or curving my spine back against my legs. I start tomorrow...
But for tonight, I had my cigarette already. And maybe just cry a little cry tonight before I go to sleep.
My NCEE was 99+. I got into UP which is the only school my Mom would let me apply to. (The alternative was to plant kamote according to my Mom) I got into all the fields I applied to from NGO to Channel 2 to a University professorship to Game Mastering for an online gaming company. I passed my Licensure exam even if I had only studied the night before and my colleagues had a year's review ahead of me. Etcetera... etcetera... You get the picture. But tonight. I failed my Body Balance audition.
I have to pause and think about this. It is very easy to give in to whining and miss the whole point of failure. I could say I didn't give it my 100%. Or that I don't really have time to teach so I wasn't serious about it. Or that I tried my hand at something that was my weakness in the first place. Or that the feng shui was bad. Or that aliens came and took over my body. haha.
But what is the ESSENCE of my failure? I think... I think it is to overcome that which has failed me. To win with my wits, or my eloquence... these are simple victories because they come easy. But to do something which even the doctor said I wouldn't be able to do... THAT would be a genuine victory.
It's so easy to let go. Just sign up for WOW and forget about the real world. On embark on that novel I had been promising myself to write. Or do something practical and learn Japanese and a coding language. But then that would be giving up, wouldn't it?
So I will have another go at it. And this time, my measure will not be acceptance to the program. Instead, my measure will be understanding and living yoga. Someday being able to raise my leg high up against my forehead. Or curving my spine back against my legs. I start tomorrow...
But for tonight, I had my cigarette already. And maybe just cry a little cry tonight before I go to sleep.
Labels: exam
posted by Moth at 11:30 PM
2 Comments:
Just shows how nerds can never be athletes. Haha. Kidding.
Well said.
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