Alice in Wonderland Days

I've been very happy of late. I love love love Miel. Such a perfect kid. I love my job, my bosses, and my officemates. I love gym and my trainer M. I love my books and my dvd marathons. And though there are some things unresolved in my life, I don't mind. Oprah said you can have everything, just not at the same time. And i respect that. I believe it.

Plus I've been a good girl. I am proud of myself for not indiscriminately getting into relationships. My rationale is that if I stay good long enough, then the cosmos will reward me with good karma in the form of a good guy. Or as near as one can get anyway. Way too many jerks in the world.

Hence it catches me off balance to be where I am now.

I am Alice in Wonderland falling through the rabbit hole...

Oh help...

I'm falling...

And I can't stop grinning...

He isn't Dead. But he will do for the meantime.

Again, I wonder what this all means...

My Voice

I was smoking all by my lonesome this evening at the corner store. Listening to Nana's Glorious Days on my mp3 over and over. I was depressed and thinking I wish I could teach underprivileged kids on my day off or something. And now, while I am writing for my second job, I realize that THIS is my voice. My articles are read by children across the country. And my Teacher's Guides are a whisper to the ear of all the teachers subscribed to our magazines. Funny. I've been writing since 1999 and I really haven't thought of it this way. They were just potboilers to me.

I may not join Al Gore or be an eco-warrior but I can tell kids and teachers across the country to start acting now! Recently I've told em to write letters to their congressmen and their mayor to do something about the Renewable Energy Bill. I've also told them about the benefits of wind farms and Green Buildings.

I may not be Mother Theresa healing the sick but I am able to preach about harmony, love, and caring thru my little snippets.

I realize that I can transmit my values and my conscience through this avenue.

Why worry about such things? Because this life has to mean something. It has to. Otherwise, life would be senseless and mediocre.

What Your Name Means

Hokay... This comes out of checking out Dan's blog. It's been on my mind for a while now and finally got around to it. It's freaking creepy to me. Don't know about you. Try it out too!

You entered: XXXX XXXX

There are 12 letters in your name.
Those 12 letters total to 61
There are 7 vowels and 5 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 7

The characteristics of #7 are: Analysis, understanding, knowledge, awareness, studious, meditating.

The expression or destiny for #7:
Thought, analysis, introspection, and seclusiveness are all characteristics of the expression number 7. The hallmark of the number 7 is a good mind, and especially good at searching out and finding the truth. You are so very capable of analyzing, judging and discriminating, that very little ever escapes your observation and deep understanding. You are the type of person that can really get involved in a search for wisdom or hidden truths, often becoming an authority on whatever it is your are focusing on. This can easily be of a technical or scientific nature, or it may be religious or occult, it matters very little, you pursue knowledge with the same sort of vigor. You can make a very fine teacher, or because of a natural inclination toward the spiritual, you may become deeply emerged in religious affairs or even psychic explorations. You tend to operate on a rather different wavelength, and many of your friends may not really know you very well. The positive aspects of the 7 expression are that you can be a true perfectionist in a very positive sense of the word. You are very logical, and usually employ a quite rational approach to most things you do. You can be so rational at times that you almost seem to lack emotion, and when you are faced with an emotional situation, you may have a bit of a problem coping with it. You have excellent capabilities to study and learn really deep and difficult subjects, and to search for hidden fundamentals. At full maturity you are likely to be a very peaceful and poised individual.

If there is an over supply of the number 7 in your makeup, the negative aspects of the number may be apparent. The chief negative of 7 relates to the limited degree of trust that you may have in people. A tendency to be highly introverted can make you a bit on the self-centered side, certainly very much self-contained . Because of this, you are not very adaptable, and you may tend to be overly critical and intolerant. You really like to work alone, at your own pace and in your own way. You neither show or understand emotions very well.

Your Soul Urge number is: 5

A Soul Urge number of 5 means:
The 5 soul urge or motivation would like to follow a life of freedom, excitement, adventure and unexpected happening. The idea of travel and freedom to roam intrigues you. You are very much the adventurer at heart. Not particularly concerned about your future or about getting ahead, you can seem superficial and unmotivated.

In a positive sense, the energies of the number 5 make you very adaptable and versatile. You have a natural resourcefulness and enthusiasm that may mark you as a progressive with a good mind and active imagination. You seem to have a natural inclination to be a pace-setter. You are attracted to the unusual and the fast paced.

You may be overly restless and impatient at times. You may dislike the routine work that you are engaged in, and tend to jump from activity to activity, without ever finishing anything. You may have difficulty with responsibility. You don't want to be tied down to a relationship, and it may be hard to commit to one person.

Your Inner Dream number is: 11

An Inner Dream number of 11 means:
You dream of casting the light of illumination; of being the true idealist. You secretly believe there is more to life than we can know or prove, and you would like to be provider of the 'word' from on high.

(link: http://www.paulsadowski.com/Numbers.asp)

The Hell with Tanita

Not the product you understand... Just the circumstance...

Of course there is a story behind all this...

One day, M (my gym trainer) and I were doing one of our normal marathon chat/training sessions when he got on the subject of grateful clients. Apparently, M gets very touched when his clients write him long letters or texts of appreciation. As a university professor, I've been a recipient of many which until now I hold oh-so-close to my heart so I could empathize very well. Not that I wrote him a letter. Just my usual crazy texts when he does anything touching.

However, I will make an exception today due to special circumstance.

Would you like to know?

I weighed myself at the Tanita today. Third time since I've signed up with him. And Good Lord! One for the Guiness Book of Impossible Coincidences! I weighed exactly the same in my first, second, and current Tanita readings. You have to understand, Tanita measures body fat, muscle mass, and I don't know what else. Let me assure you, it measures several things. And I all weigh exactly the same for all three readings spanning 5 months. UP TO THE F***ING DECIMAL POINT.

It's unbelievable. We were quite flabbergasted I tell you. The second could've been a fluke. But a third? And exactly THE SAME? How can it be? I've grown bigger. In muscle, I mean. Everybody says so. Bigger shoulders, cuts in my back, and stuff I can't write here. And the Tanita says no change?

UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!...

So he says he's magpapakalasing tonight. He's an achiever. Or maybe overachiever would be more accurate. Best Trainer Awardee. Apparently, he's shattered by my lack of progress. I would laugh if I weren't so puzzled myself.

So here's a letter I thought I wouldn't write to my dear, dear Sensei...

Dearest Pare...(yes, that's how we address each other.. and now I will have to forget about you dear reader and think of my Sensei...)

Dearest Pare....

There's a lot of things I've learned lately with work. And one of them is never to forget to look at the big picture.. the bottomline...

I know the Tanita numbers are just so unfuckingbelievable. I KNOW I've changed and yet the Tanita says not. And because we both are the overachievers we are, we both can't help the frustration and disappointment. If i were just to take it at face value, I would think that the past 5 months have all been a waste of time... But fortunately, am not as stupid as that.

The fucking hell with the Tanita...I didn't sign up for Fitness First for that, you remember? I got into FF because the stress was crushing me. I needed some kind of vent. And P wasn't that. HE ended up adding to my stress with his chauvinistic views.

I transferred to you because you were a stranger. I didn't know I was finding a male version of me. Or am I the female version of you?

You surprised me. I didn't think you had a brain behind your pretty face. I laughed when I learned you were cum laude in UP. I wasn't even cum laude. Just a regular grad.

I guess a lot of girls look at you because of your looks. I've seen it. But you only became gwapo to me when you displayed your know-how of your field and your kind heart. Yep, you're a lot of despicable things but you have a heart of gold.

It's not many people who can bear with me when I'm being spastic. And YOU know how out-of-this-world I can be. You've suffered through so many of my moods. Vented on you from pressure at the office. I would be pleasant to everybody but all my negativity, I poured it all onto you. I've provoked you and riled you. I even got under your skin once, didn't I? Oh yes, I am awful to you...

And yet... you always give me time beyond what you had to give.

Funny. You were the first person I texted when I got holdupped, when I was in the emergency room of FEU, and when I was in tears from fighting with Tae. You were also the person to finally get me to see Dead.

I don't know when I started thinking of you as my friend.

You help me carry the world on my shoulders.... You keep me sane...

Domo Arigatou, Kaonajimi...

I know we can do it. I get a rush of pure adrenaline whenever I carry my 50 kilos in deadlifts and squats.

Two overachievers like us can beat a scale, can't we? Four weeks... Just that...

And then I get my huge teddy bear... ^^

Dead and Two-Timers

I'm talking about two different people here.

A friend of mine has recently been bugging me about certain exciting prospects available to him. He's never lacked for female attention and announced today that he was going to double up on girlfriends.

Having been through so much, I am not the type to judge. Hence all the voluntary confessionals from friends. They talk, I listen. Sometimes, I can't help myself and give my two cents. A very brief two cents. Which I always end with, "It's up to you. In the end, you will do what you will."

Which is true. People do not ask for advice on what to do. They simply want to hear what course of action they have already premeditated on. Validation, in short. Hence, they will keep asking for advice until they hear the words that they would like to come forth.

Not only do I think giving advice sometimes futile. It is also sometimes unnecessary. I will let my friend make his own mistake. It's the only way we learn, after all. And why keep under shelter during a rain? Get wet. Live life. Make your mistakes. And live life better.

But I did tell him it was bad karma. haha.

And about Dead? I realize, there are some things we cannot help. My heart will be buried with Dead.

Unless I find an older version of you Makoto-San. Dead is the night. And you are eternal sunshine.

Over Now^^

Over my difficult phase now.. thank God....

And poor M was the one to suffer. Fortunately, he went to Puerto Galera for a vacation. He was supposed to come back on a Saturday but ended up coming back on a Sunday. I was pretty proud of myself up till Saturday. But around Sunday evening, I was antsy and started getting claustrophobic. That's what happens when your unofficial shrink goes on a prolonged vacation. Flashes of Monk when HIS shrink went on vacation kept flitting into my head. ^^ He was a nervous wreck. By the time M came back, I was normal again and was ready to hug him from pure relief. huhuhu.... Security blanket.

Another reason for getting better. R IS BACK FROM OZ! Yes, after waiting all these months. My favorite BB instructor is back. I haven't seen him yet but talking to him on the phone, he is still the sweet, warm, thoughtful soul he was when he left. I am sure he is as yummy as ever. Yes, I'm raving. haha.... M and I have an ongoing debate whether he is bi or not. I am banking on the first. sigh... *sabay kagat labi* hahahaha....

Mothwabit on the Rampage!

Watch out!

The mothwabit is on the rampage. I already had a fight with Tae a few days back and with the original Wabit today. Sigh... this is one for the Moth Journals and not for here.

Got some updates but still pending the pics. See ya!